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Cooler bar bouncer12/3/2023 ![]() As Dalton approaches Double Deuce, a group of bikers notice his Mercedes and ask him, “Hey hotshot, what’s wrong with Dee-troit cars?”.No explanation is given as to why he swapped out cars or why anything in this scene is relevant in any way. Dalton then uncovers a Mercedes-Benz in a parking garage, hops inside, and peels out. Dalton pulls his 1964 Buick Riviera to the side of the road and tosses the keys to an old man sitting on the sidewalk, telling him that the car is now his.After the guy and his buddy eventually get escorted out of the bar, Dalton stitches up his own stab wound in a back office. Dalton does not flinch - no one does, for that matter. He then grabs the knife that the woman used on the $100 bill and uses it to stab Dalton in the arm, citing that he’s “always wanted to try ” as his motivation. When bouncers come to throw him out, he punches one of them in the face. A man puts a $100 bill on a table a woman stabs the $100 bill for some reason, and then the man kicks her chair over, causing her to fall backward. ![]() If you still aren’t sold, here is our first list: Eight Mind-Blowingly Absurd/Awesome Things That Happen in the First 15 Minutes of ‘Road House’ Along the way, Dalton takes down a bunch of bad guys, has sex with one of the token hot chicks in town (she’s a doctor, which proves how classy Dalton is), turns down the advances of another (ditto), saves an old dude’s life, and occasionally wears a karate uniform top tucked into his jeans. Dalton eventually goes full Taffer on the place and cleans it up, much to the delight of the bar owner, who watches Dalton work his magic with an orgasmic smirk on his face like he’s Vince McMahon watching Roman Reigns land a Superman punch. He shows up in Missouri to find a bar where beer bottles constantly fly through the air, women are sexually assaulted, verbal arguments turn to knife fights with the snap of a finger, and not a single cop car or ambulance is anywhere to be found. Dalton seems to understand that he’s a character in a movie and that it would kill the pacing of the film for him to take a few days to think about whether he should move halfway across the country to fight drunk rednecks in the middle of nowhere, so he accepts the offer immediately. He’s inexplicably world-famous for being a “cooler” (which is like a bouncer only, um, cooler?), and a bar owner in Jasper, Missouri, who wants to improve a dive bar he owns called “Double Deuce” tries to hire Dalton away from his current gig in New York. Here’s the best spoiler-free synopsis I can give you: Road House stars Patrick Swayze as Dalton (no idea if that’s his first or last name because he just goes by “Dalton” throughout the movie), who is basically Jon Taffer, if Jon Taffer was more laid-back and had glistening muscles and a philosophy degree from NYU. And if that happens to be you, let me just stop right here and say that you should come back and finish reading this after watching Road House.įirst, the basics. It’s going to be so great that the only people who might actually be able to read the entire thing are those who have never seen Road House. So we will forge ahead, covering every single fleck of gold from this cinematic classic over the course of multiple, ecstatically in-depth lists. ![]() But it must be done - it’s Good Bad Movies Week, and Road House is the main reason such a week can exist. Seriously, have you ever read an entire article about Road House? My point is: It’s nearly impossible to write an article about Road House that doesn’t make you want to quit reading halfway through - solely because you just want to go watch Road House again. But in preparing to compose the opus you are currently reading - which required rewatching Road House three times in the past week - I came to a realization that can be summed up using a paraphrased quote from Emmet, the bearded dude who lets Patrick Swayze live in his barn: “Writing about Road House is like putting an elevator in an outhouse - it don’t belong.” There may have been terribly awesome films before it, but as far as I’m concerned Road House invented the concept and is the standard by which every other Good Bad Movie should be judged. The 1989 Patrick Swayze–starring film Road House isn’t a movie so much as it is a religious experience, and one that defines the Good Bad Movies genre. Please join us as we give the over-the-top action movies, low-budget romance thrillers, and peak ’80s cheese-fests the spotlights they deserve. ![]() All week, The Ringer will be celebrating Good Bad Movies, those films that are so terrible they’re endlessly amusing and - dare we say it? - actually good.
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